Choose the right time to talk.

You may want to wait until your partner is relaxed and in a good mood. It’s also important not to select a time when both of you are already upset or angry. If that’s the case, it will be much more difficult for either of you to listen without arguing back.

If possible, have a plan for how you’re going to talk about this sensitive topic before-hand so that each person knows what they need from the discussion and what they hope will happen as a result of talking about it.

Be in the right place.

• A good place to talk is somewhere quiet and private.
• A bad place to talk is when you’re rushed, or when you have other things on your mind.
• A bad place to talk is when you’re in the middle of a fight

Ask the right questions and listen actively to her responses.

There are a few questions you should definitely avoid asking, such as:

• “What do you want for your birthday?” This question is too broad and gives her too many options. Instead ask something like “Do you want something new or something old?”
• “How much money do you want?” This question is also too broad and can come off as either insulting or offensive, so don’t ask it!

When she answers that question, listen carefully and don’t interrupt her when she’s speaking. Try focusing on one question at a time so that she doesn’t get overwhelmed by the rapid-fire nature of this conversation!

Don’t take advice from someone who knows you and your partner better than you do, such as a close friend or a family member.

I’m all for having a good time and enjoying the holidays, but one thing that makes me roll my eyes is when someone tries to give you advice about your relationship. It seems like every year my parents want to talk about how I should be dating their friend’s son or some other random person they met on the plane home from vacation. My mom has even gone so far as to tell me what she thinks is wrong with our relationship!

I don’t know if it’s because people think we’re easy targets for advice, but trust me: when someone knows both of us well enough to give us advice, there’s probably an agenda behind their words. They might not have your best interests at heart; they may be trying to manipulate you by influencing her; they might just feel like they have something valuable to offer (even if it’s not).

Whatever you do, don’t settle for something that’s just okay and that feels like the easier option.

Whatever you do, don’t settle for something that’s just okay and that feels like the easier option. If she tells you she wants a new camera lens or a pair of high-heeled boots, don’t buy her a pair of black ballet flats instead. No matter how much it might make sense to give her something you think she’ll like, it won’t be appreciated if all it does is reflect back who YOU are and what YOU want from HER.

There’s no point in giving someone else a gift if you don’t know what they want. This is especially important with women because we tend to have complicated tastes and interests that can vary depending on our mood (or so I’ve been told). So while there may not be any such thing as “the perfect gift,” there definitely IS such thing as “the perfect match.”

If you really want to know what she wants, ask her for it directly.

If you really want to know what she wants, ask her for it directly.

When having a conversation about gift ideas for women (or anything else), be specific about the gift you are asking about. Whether it’s her birthday or Christmas, don’t just say “I want to buy my girlfriend something.” Ask “What did she say she wanted this year?” If it’s her birthday and you don’t have time to talk before then, ask another question like “I have an idea or two but I’d rather hear from you first—what do YOU think would make a good gift?”

Be ready to take notes during any conversations that might lead up to your asking a question like this one: You won’t always get a straight answer right away but if there is one thing that people tend not to do well when they are being questioned by someone else, it’s lie outright! However much they might try not saying anything at all instead of outright denying having any interest in something they actually do want themselves (or whatever), lying usually comes across more strongly than omission does—you’ll notice them trying too hard not respond honestly because they’ll become nervous and feel guilty having been caught out with their own desires—and those feelings will show on their face whether directly asked about those desires or indirectly brought up through conversation such as this one! Just remember: if anyone ever tells me not wanting anything doesn”t mean not needing something just as much as any other kind does then I’ll know exactly why we’re still living together because clearly no one understands how things work around here!”